thetube | Test Drive Meme: August 2015

Entry tags:

Welcome to the Underground test drive meme! This is where you can try out the AU version of your character, start some potential CR and get a feel for the world of the game. Choose your character's species, read up on the available factions and you're ready to go. Put your character's name in your subject line when you post, tag out, and have fun!

Note to current players: Activity in this meme counts as game canon! So you can use it for activity check. If you end up playing anything that you can't or don't want to use as game canon, it's fine to ignore it. (In that case you shouldn't submit it for activity check.)

For prospective players: Thinking about bringing a character to the game? Feel free to comment to our Potential CR Planning meme for OOC planning and discussion.

Here are some prompts to inspire you:

1) BABY COME BACK. Is there someone you miss? Maybe you've come to visit for the first time in months. Maybe you'll even stay.

2) FULL MOON. (29th August) Uh oh, it's that time of the month. Werewolves, have you been feeling more aggressive lately? A little short of temper? Better start preparing for your monthly transformation and hope that you don't get interrupted. And then there's the morning after, which feels like a massive hangover. Wait, where are your clothes?

3) CARNIVAL. (30th-31st August) It's the August bank holiday weekend and that can only mean one thing: the Notting Hill Carnival! With the sun high in the sky, enjoy the parade, the music and of course the food. Jerk chicken, anyone?

4) SPECIAL EFFECTS. There's nothing like a touch of subtle magic to add to the occasion. Dress up and show off. Mind you, there could be other supernatural types around who see straight through your tricks.

5) PARTY ALL NIGHT. It's not over when the sun goes down. Get yourself to one of the bars or after-parties and keep on partying. Just don't drink too much. You know it makes it harder to control your powers... and your urges.

6) BRAWL. The police work hard to keep London's gangs away from Carnival. When you have supernatural gangs to contend with, their job gets a whole lot harder. Drunk and disorderly or simply looking for an excuse to cause trouble, encounters between rival factions can soon become hostile. Now are you here to cause a fight or to stop it?

7) NIGHT IN JAIL. Oops. What did you do? And who's that with you?

8) CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE. Anything goes.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

01: carnival

[ All things considered, there isn't an overly compelling reason for Karkat to be hitting the confetti-littered streets at this particular time of day. As far as he's concerned this carnival is Nothing To Do With Him, and as the dancers spin and twirl across the pavements with their various bits shaking and their everything jangling obnoxiously through the samba of steel drums and whooping of idiots who think this is all just a pretty show, he doesn't exactly fit in what with his compelling state of monochrome and scowling indifference. His surroundings are a woozy whirlwind of colour and sound and the surrounding crowd are all gathered in close and personal – all things he'd much rather avoid – but he pushes forward with his limbs flailing and his voice a demanding shriek in the din. He might as well be throwing women and children into the road.

He's the last person anyone would expect to be out in a place like this willingly. What could possibly drag a lacklustre teen out of bed on a Sunday? The parade? Pfft, please. Dancing isn't his thing. No, his focus is on the tables lining the streets to the back of the parade, gilded with those familiar neon signs with scruffy sharpie lettering. Fuck yeah; he’s here for the food.

He goes straight for the meat, avoiding the rice and peas with an indignant and determined air. He came for food, not mush masquerading as food. If he wanted rice and peas he'd go buy some rice and stick it in a pan with some god-damn peas, why would he come all the way out here for food he could make at home?? Arguably, he could make curried goat at home too – the recipe is on the damn website, after all – but he's obviously not thinking about that as he shovels more goat into his mouth.

He's truly feeling the Mas as he stalks away from the street vendor with his little bowl of meat and spice, and he's feeling Mas even more when he buys and slurps loudly from a hollowed-out and prettified pineapple. He finds a seat on the stairway to some poor fuck's doorway, complete with a handy and already overflowing rubbish-bin standing close by. The surrounding smokers and antisocial patrons are his fellow wallflowers and he grunts at them as he stares drearily at the dancers covered in powder and paint. ] 'Be pretty shit if it rained, huh?

02: brawl + night in jail

[ He has literally every sappy movie in existence to remind him that a) good guys finish last, and b) every day heroes do not exist; and yet here he is nursing an impressive bruise, a nose gushing with blood and his own wounded pride. Stopping a fight, to him, had been a selfless and daring act that would give him both the pride of having done a good deed, and some fucking peace and quiet on a dull commute across central, but instead it's served him with nothing but trouble and a big-ass headache.

The fight in question broke out in front of the supermarket Karkat wanted to shop in, and his already paper-thin patience wouldn't allow him or any of the others stood around the tussling duo to wait until they’d tired out their testosterone. He took the initiative and surged forwards into the crowd to wrench one man away from the other with surprising strength for one so small and so pathetically untalented at anything remotely physical. He was doing a pretty good job of condescendingly scolding them with a dark frown and barked insults... or so he thought, at least, until the two wrestlers turned on him in retaliation. Without any palpable method of self defence, Karkat flailed and screamed madly until he was finally relinquished from the assault, but only after he'd kicked one of the police officers who'd been called to assist in the jewels, and had bitten the other. ]

Ooooh my god, shit. Shit, shit, shit. [ He's worried, as is pretty obvious from the way he keeps stalking behind the LITERAL IRON BARS like a caged animal. He thought iron bars were just a thing that happened in cartoons and is more than a little disturbed to find that of all things is a reality.. If that much is true, what other horror stories are likely? Is the soap thing true, too???? ] Oh my god, I’m gonna throw up. [ He's not liking this at all. He's as white as a sheet, as a ghost, as the police officer's face had been when Karkat kicked him square between the legs. He looks petrified of what's coming, and he keeps jumping whenever the heavy door leading back to the main desk opens and closes. ] Fucking shit god, my dad is gonna kill me.

03: choose your own adventure - empty tube carriages are my aesthetic

[ It isn't unusual to find empty carriages on certain strands of the tube line as the end of the day draws closer, and Karkat doesn't exactly look out of place as he’s rocked by the slow thudding of the tracks beneath... He chose this carriage on purpose (or rather he was led there on purpose) and chose this seat in favour of the figure sitting with him. Very few people disturb him and his quiet mumbling, but those who do sit far enough away that they can't hear him talking to apparently no-one – as most who innocently disturb him aren't able to see his companion.

He's working fast, and his voice gains speed and volume the longer his apparent conversation goes on. Above the din of the wheels and the rushing of the wind through the tunnels he sounds as if he's trying to secure a great deal of information with limited resources and time, until finally the tube line crosses a certain body of water and he swears loudly, suddenly truly alone.

Ghosts stuck in one place are usually the ones he prefers – at least they can't follow him home – but still he finds himself feeling for them. Being stuck on a tube line that continuously ran back and forth over a body of water you're incapable of crossing isn't the best state of affairs to be stuck in, after all, and if it got so bad that they were reaching out to a amateur like him then it had to be bad... Karkat sighs loudly, propping his feet up on the empty seats facing him, and ducks his head into his shoulders, shrouded by the collar of his jacket. Only then, without anything to focus on than his own sense of inadequacy, does he feel the presence behind him. He turns and makes eye contact with the other body in the carriage, squinting to quickly judge the breed of this particular stranger. Dead or Not Dead was an important judgement to make nowadays. ]

04: wildcard

go nuts! i'm up for plotting or being contacted either in a pm to this journal or on plurk at mirobug

also, as a note, if you prefer writing in paragraphs, i'm good with that and will reply in kind. i just find it easier to write starters in brackets, that's all. hope that's not too much trouble!

[ It's late; much later than he'd usually be out but lucky for Karkat, he's riding a high right now and is downright jovial after his friends frantic call over an hour ago - he'd laughed for two minutes straight and needed to take five while his inhaler kicked in - but he's here, finally.

After signing in and a pat down - 'Keys, wallet, no sir you have to leave your headphones here too, thank you' - he's read the riot act and escorted to the enclosure they're keeping his best friend and Sollux is more than happy to greet him with a shit eating grin, forgoing the wave in favour of stuffing his hands into his pockets.]

Hey there, Thunshine~ 'JailBird'th' a good look on you, KK!

Don't fucking do this to me, don't even fucking-- Oh my god, Sollux, can you save your bull crap for when I'm on the other side of these bars? I wanna taste freedom again before I vomit it all over your shoes 'cause your breath fucking reeks of all the shit you're eating right now.

[ He's doing a kind of nervous pitter-patter with his feet as he babbles, shifting his weight from left to right as he grasps two bars like an actual cartoon criminal. ]

You're here to bail me out, right? You're here to pay my way, I swear to god, I swear to whatever fucking omnipresent dickhole sits in the clouds and points his thunder fingers down at us, I fucking swear I'll never make fun of your teeth again if you get me out of here.

Edited 2015-09-04 17:14 (UTC)

Thuch promitheth you make, KK. I'm practically thwooning over here.

[A long fingered hand comes up to rest against his forehead in the feigned motion of said swoon, knee's dipping to complete the pose, before he's rocking back on his heels and gesturing for his officiated escort to open cell.]

You owe me /tho/ big for thith one. But yeah, I've got your money- you're lucky I didn't have to contact my dad..

[Hands back in pockets, he's stepping aside to make room and shooting Karkat his most put upon expression, but with none of the feeling behind it; he'll tease him forever over this, but he's not about to let his friend be chewed out by his parents over something so dumb.]

You're fucking lying to me.

[ He's back to normal as soon as he's dodged around the bars and is free of the meat stack of a police man's intense and degrading stare. He immediately snaps to Sollux's side like a pathetic magnet, but he's all glares. Even if he is kind of clinging, his sharp fingernails digging in to Sollux's arm almost hard enough to bruise. ]

There's no way you had enough for my bail without your dad, you spend all your money on video games or Mountain Dew or whatever. Did you steal it? Who'd you mug? If you confess while we're here, you'll save everyone the time and energy of hauling your pustulent ass back in here later.

[The cling gets a smirk but no comment and the fact that he traps the other mans hand against his side with an elbow as they navigate their way back down the hallway gets pointedly ignored. Karkat can be such a baby sometimes..]

I don't know if you've notithed, but there ith thith thing called a thavingth account? You should try it thome time.

[There's no way in hell he's admitting to where the majority of his money comes from, especially not in a police station and definitely not to Karkat.. It's safer for everyone if they don't know that he moonlights as a cyber criminal most weekends.]

Jutht tho you know, I'm never paying for food again after thith - Monday thnack time is totally on you from now on.

[He's looking forward to not having to get his wallet out on their weekly meet ups, especially after the amount of money he's about to fork over in the next ten minutes; bail for a first offense isn't terrible, but it's still not cheap.]

Fuck you, I save plenty. Not all of us can live with Daddy and not have to pay rent.

[ That's an elbow to Sollux's side, and as they pass through the doors back to the main area of the police station, Karkat seems to think he's completely safe and finally breaks away from keeping contact with his friend. He's curling away like the happiest turtle, right for the door, and is yelling his next words over his shoulder as he goes. Yeah, he's not waiting for Sollux to finish paying. Sure as fuck he's not. ]

Besides, you barely eat anything as it is! I'll just start packing a lunch, then you're not costing me shit.

[He's watching the other go and already laughing because the officer manning the security station is so not amused by Karkat's flagrant disregard and Sollux slows his pace to enjoy the dawning realization as it hits.]

Thee you thay that, but you're altho a thlut for junk food, tho you better not thkimp on my next order of nuggetth, otherwithe you're not getting out of that door.

[ Lucky for Karkat, the guard is much bigger than him and he's much too shaken by this whole catastrophe that he doesn't get much further than 'he's right over there paying as we speak, give me a break you-' before Sollux is done. And he shuts his mouth with a near comical click of his teeth. The guard's face is turning red.

He's on Sollux's arm again. It's safe there. He's not stupid, he won't test danger twice. ]

Fine fine, all the nuggethhhh you can cram in the damp garbage disposal you call a mouth, whatever. Just get me out of here.

[Her Majesties dues paid, Sollux manages to wrestle his headphones back around his neck one handed - the other is in Karkat's strangle hold - and with a last, casual salute to the officer on duty, navigates them out of the station without much fan fair.]

Tho all that talk about never inthulting my teeth again wath tho much hyperbole. Glad you're making the motht of your freedom, KK.

[It's late enough to start being considered early and Sollux idly checks his phone - a text from Mituna, two from dad - and gauges the time it'll take for him to catch the night bus and get home.]

You heading home?

[ Karkat is clinging to the little baggie of his personal belongings the guard shoved into his arms on the way out, incredulous with his past self and how he'd been about to wave sayonara to the station without his phone, his keys, his oyster card or his money. Good job, Karkat. You're an adult. ]

Yeah- probably. I think. God, I'd kiss the ground if I wasn't petrified I'd catch mouth-diarrhoea from this shit hole. I feel like that singing nun when she finally escapes the convent and runs away to marry the rich asshole with plastic hair and too many gremlins. [ Karkat is looking around like he hasn't seen the outside world for days, acting as though his sentence had been more than an overnight stay, and he... really doesn't look ready to face the tube home.

He looks back to his companion. Apparently he wasn't really listening to what Sollux said if his next words are anything to go by. ]

Wanna go for a coffee?

[ Funny: when they bring Giles in, it's for interrupting a fight. The difference is that, when the loud idiots wheeled on him and extended the range of their violence, he insisted. For a witch, he can take a punch surprisingly well; as a Daybreak witch, his weakness is in ending the fight. When all one's usual tools are off-limits, one becomes very aware of being a physically unremarkable middle-aged man.

It might not have ended so poorly, had the others not fled the scene while Giles, lightly bleeding and profoundly indignant, cast about for an explanation and tried to sound reasonable. Possibly he should have re-embraced his wilder, younger days and done the same.

That heavy door opens, and now a very rumpled man, possibly Karkat's father's age, is being walked down the hall to the holding cell. His attention falls on the young man immediately, through the bars. No one familiar, but he can sense something from the boy, and his stare lingers too long, shifts to a considering edge of a frown. ]

Edited (throws up hands at typos) 2015-09-04 18:11 (UTC)

[ Karkat's focus is shifting in panicked flicks from the corridor to the re-enforced window, to the roof and around the floors as if he's looking for some impossible escape route. He finds none, of course, but it doesn't matter as he's soon distracted by the wave of something he can suddenly sense and smell approaching him. Now more than ever akin to his namesake, Karkat backs away from the bars like a threatened tomcat as soon as he sees Giles, and never looks away even when the man is pushed into the cell. He does, however, find himself subconsciously wishing the cell was at least ten times bigger.

He's never done well up close and personal, even less so when his company has an aura that looks like the one surrounding this man.... But he can't show too much fear. Not only would that be embarrassing as fuck given the fact that he'd been practically pissing himself when Giles had walked in, but dangerous too... Karkat is reluctant to show any kind of vulnerability, and is eager to reiterate how completely normal he is. As far as a normal human would be concerned, there would be no reason to be afraid of a beat up old guy. ]

What? [ He grunts, only a little tentative. ] I'm not going to shank you, you can relax.

[ Giles meets his eyes as the cell door shuts behind him, takes in the utterly unremarkable look of him, as though he'll find any sort of clue towards the not-human edge he can feel. He discovers nothing but a very tense boy with a bloodied nose. Drily, as he starts up trying to straighten his clothing: ]

Oh, good. I was feeling very threatened.

[ Posh accent, more exasperated than frightened or aggressive-- he really doesn't make a typical cellmate. Giles steps a few paces into the holding cell, even though there is precisely nothing to look at and even less to do, and he spent an entire night in one of these when he was twenty and actually deserved it. He's in better shape than his new companion, at least; he's sporting bruises, but the boy looks a wreck. ]

Should I be asking what brings you? [ He would claim not to care, but, against his best interests and all common sense, he'd like to know who he's wound up with. Giles is sure that he knows most of the Daybreak-aligned practitioners, even the young and skittish ones, and a good bit of Redbright as well. ]

No, you damn well should not. I'm guessing from that question that this is your first time, right? You're not supposed to ask people what they did.

[ It's hilarious that Karkat thinks using knowledge he's picked up from the grapevine will help in any way (he learns a lot from his Prison Lesbians show) and even more hilarious that he assumes his cell-buddy isn't familiar with Life Behind The Bars when the situation is painfully ironic; he is in fact less familiar than the old guy is and yet proclaims to know the most. Oh, Karkat. If you weren't so pathetic it would probably be funny.

For all his outspokeness, Karkat has somehow up until this point managed to avoid being thrown in the slammer, but as far as he's concerned he thinks that divulging that particular shred of information will make him a target and therefore he'll lie through his teeth if it will make him seem less vulnerable.

He needs to stop thinking of this holding cell as a cell in Alcatraz, and he needs to stop looking smug or it's going to burn twice as much when/if Giles calls him out. ]

It's not, actually. But there's usually not a child wearing a rut into the floor.

[ A bit harsh. It's been an exceedingly long day.

Still: he spent the night somewhere very much like here, when he was the boy's age or a bit older. Scrapes on his knuckles, a well-earned bloody nose, possibly still coming down off something the police never could have recognized. It was after everything went to hell and his coven dissolved, before he returned to Daybreak, back when he still kept his guitar on his back because it'd be stolen if he ever set it down.

He had sulked and radiated an air of don't even try until morning, and then a bandmate had come to bail him out, and he didn't hear the end of it for weeks. Not long before he left that scene, actually.

Now he sits, rolls back his sleeves to check a scratch on his wrist-- he likes this shirt, the less blood the better-- and looks only lightly irritated at the world. ]

I was attempting to lessen the chaos. Look how that went.

[ She hates the Thames so much.

It stings all the more these days - she'd just gotten the hang of pushing her way past it with stubbornness and willpower and too much spare time before that Fae had ripped chunks out of her sense of self, and being forcibly reset to Step One was one of the most frustrating things to happen all year. But the holes were slowly closing and that meant starting to practice again whether she likes it or not. Having half of London locked away because of a river is stupid! So stupid, like. Wow.

This, unfortunately, lead to situations like the one currently unfolding where she'd tried to cross the river, failed, bounced off the invisible not-quite-barrier it presented, and landed ghostly-butt-first in the tube below after glitching through the ground in a panic. Being a ghost sucks, kids, don't try this at home.

At least the train car looks empty, at a first worried glance. She doesn't notice Karkat even when he's staring at her, being too busy berating herself for her dumb, amateur mistake to pick up on it. ]

Ugh. Running into the river never works, why did I think that was a good idea.

[ Okay, so. That.... Hm.

His conclusion is taking a little longer processing in his mind than it typically might have, making him squint just a little harder, stare just a little bit longer. Dead sure is a certainty considering the aura she's surrounded by but, uh. It's more the person beneath the aura that has him perplexed. It's probably normal for his mind to be offering up reason after reason that this surely can't be who he thinks it is, as the reasons increase in number they also increase in incredulity, till Karkat shuts them out in favor of the white noise of shock currently buzzing between his ears.

And then, like an elastic band snapping, Karkat is on his feet. He's standing on the seats, he's brandishing a finger and he's looking at Aradia like he's just seen a ghost and is somehow elated by that experience -- mostly because that's exactly what's happening to him. ]

I fucking knew it! [ That funny familiar feeling he'd had in certain parts of town, that weird residual cold, memory of sounds like lingering deja vu... it all makes sense now that the cause is staring him right in the face. Well, not literally, but Karkat is sure, he's certain, there's no mistaking it... ] Aradia!

[ She's not prone to swearing. Really, she's not. But if she was now would be the perfect time to put a Strider to shame.

Everything goes awfully still as Karkat practically crows in victory. She'd whipped around to stare the second it started and now can't tear her gaze away, frozen in growing horror-fear-joy no wait not that last one. There's nothing to be happy about in this, why is she still weirdly happy to see him. She'd dealt with this years ago for a reason. Just bottle it up, shove it away, go back to being calm and it's okay. She's okay. Crisis averted. She can just stand up and go on with her unlife, pretending that this never happened, right?

Except that thought fails miserably and it's too much and there goes one of the shitty fluorescent lights on the roof, damnit she was doing so well-- ]

--Karkat? [ So maybe it's not okay. She'd been so careful to cover her tracks, painfully avoiding all the places she knew her friends would haunt, and now it's all ruined. ] I- What? Knew what?

[ She should leave. She needs to leave. Why isn't she leaving. ]

[ The exploding light makes him jump, and combined with the juddering pace of the carriage Karkat is starting to feel Less Than Safe standing on the seat like he is. He gets down with his hands raised, appeasing whatever deity it was that made the bulb go boom because he is not experienced enough to even consider connecting it's dramatic death with the dead girl in front of him.

She said his name and now there's literally no denying it. He's half way to some emotionally befuddled reunion when she speaks up again, and he's momentarily stunned by the question. ]

Knew wh- [ Shit. ] I- [ Shit shit shit. Either he has to fess up or come up with some logical reason for a) being able to see her, and b) explaining why he knew her spirit was still hanging around her old haunts. Shiiiiiiiiit. ] I.. knew I wasn't alone in this carriage. [ Good save. It doesn't explain why he's so calm about talking to a ghost, but good attempt, Karkat. ] I kept feeling like someone was watching me, and I was just about to blow the whistle on whatever homeless scrap was about to make this tube line into a major meat train fiasco, but. It's you.

[ Yep. It's Aradia. His dead friend. That sure is A Thing. Karkat stares for a minute, then swallows. ] You're a, uh.. Ghost, right? Either I've been spiked and I'm freaking out half way back to some lunatic's digs so he can do with me as he will, or you're a ghost.

[ As the seconds tick by, Aradia barely considers questioning why he knew he wasn't alone. Karkat Is A Normal Human is a fact that she's known for years, immutable and unshakable amongst the assorted craziness they all fell into, and therefore he shouldn't be able to see her - but there's whole lists of cheesy horror movies where people sense spirits on some level, right? Maybe she really is getting the hang of the whole poltergeist shtick.

And then the rest of it sinks in, and the loophole gets shoved away in favour of panicking over remembering that now he knows she's un-alive again. The lights continue to flicker unhelpfully in tune with her distress. ]

I... [ Logically, she should lie. He offered the hallucination excuse already, taking it would make sense, they'd both move on with their respective lives and nobody would have to mourn her twice. It'd be safer for everybody involved, and cleaner too. No loose ends when she finally moves on.

...But.

But now that she's actually face-to-face with someone she knew, the idea feels so much more distant and she doesn't quite want to let go again. She missed them all so much and this is the worst idea. ]

I'm. Not a homeless lunatic or anything, unfortunately. Just me. [ There's no polite way to explain 'sorry I wasn't completely dead', and she still refuses to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole if she has any other choice, so all Karkat gets is a well-meaning cringe and Aradia's infamously blank monotone. It's the worlds shittiest consolation prize. ] And I guess that would make me a ghost. Surprise?

[ all board the jail train whoot whoot ]

Bruh. You gotta chill. Acting like you're about to enter the thunder dome with only your fucks in the wind on your side is gonna endear your to Paul Blart over there.

[ he tips his imaginary hat at the guy watching over them giving them a stink eye from his magazine. m'security.

dave is so fucking chill right now having his time in the big grey house you don't even known. i mean. he's gotta be since his ass has been on the bench for most of the evening. he's only been in two fights, officer, he swears its just his one phone call is looking to be a bust since they're taking their sweet time getting here like someone's mom on a busted scooter.

you know what they say: if you can't beat them, you get your ass tossed to the time out corner for not finishing the fight.

it's a liberal interpretation of the quote. he's free to do that as a hard working citizen/lazy bum of a hunter of the great islands of britian. god bless the queen and whoever else is making him pay his bills or else. ]

Look at it this way, man: It could be worse.

You could have actually had a chance to win the fight. It would have sucked dicks if you did. It'll be like growing a dick tree, loving that dick tree, harvesting the dick tree, and sucking all the dicks you got on your hands. That's a way to look at it.

[ from a scale of one to ten, how much does karkat hate his life right now. ]

[ Karkat is concentrating so relentlessly on the fact that he's stuck in a jailcell that he's forgone the crucial task of checking who he's stuck in said jailcell with, so needless to say Dave's voice scares the motherfucking shit out of him. It could have been a mugger!!!! A murderer!!!! A creep who hung out around school gates and video stores a little too much!!! So he should probably feel pretty lucky that it's just Dave. That being said, he doesn't feel lucky at all. But y'know, he probably should. Maybe.

The warning - however for the lulz it might have been - does make him back from the bars a little after he's finished clutching his heart and almost pissing himself, but in no way shape or form is he even remotely beginning to chill. ]

I wasn't in the goddamn fight to begin with! This is some unsolicited naughty step horse shit I did not consent to and I'm feeling violated as fuck right now that I'm paying the price for some shitstorm of bad ideas in which the brain-damaged pigeon of atrocity pitter-pattered his way across town to take a steaming dump on the brain stem of the ludicrous street-beat who should have had the braincells to work out which of us was starting the fight and which of us was merely an innocent bystander intent on getting their shopping sooner rather than later, especially considering said shitty idea gracefully saw to it that the two rowdy knuckle-fucks who we're fighting in the first place got off scot-motherfucking-free while I sit here and waste away as if it should teach me some kind of prepubescent lesson when I was just--! trying--! [ Inhale. Exhale. Wheeze. His face is bright red and goddamn he can't scream like he used to. ] Fuck... [ He flicks his glance to the guy scanning his magazine, and promptly closes his mouth. He hasn't moved much, but his feet are no longer propped up on the desk and to Karkat that translates as Possible Danger. He really doesn't want to be in more trouble, so instead he reels backwards to take a seat on the bench with a sound like a disappointed balloon as he scrapes his fingernails through his hair. Then, he freezes and reverts back to glaring at his companion. ]

Wait. Why would it have sucked dicks for me to win? Both result in me ending up here, but one saves me the knock to my dignity at least.

[ dave knows the guy is just like him in terms of money: jack and shit, tally tally nope. mugging him will probably get the mugger nothing but maybe a few cents and a sense of guilt for picking on someone who literally had nothing to lose on him.

he's getting off tangent though and it gives him enough time to snap back to reality to hear karkat's unchilling. man, one of these days he's going to convince karkat to become a donor or something like that because the guy is going to get into a rant so long either his lungs will give out from the lack of oxygen during his talks or his heart will give out from the sheer anger he feels.

dave can't help but feel both are going to happen at the same time because that's how karkat rolls around like the flaming tire of raging rage he is. go him. ]

You just said in that speech that would put those starving Russian writers to shame over how many words you used: Because you would have won and your ass is still in here while Scotty Scotts out there are the Scottiest Scott Frees who's ever Scotted.

It sucks dicks since you shouldn't be sucking those dicks Scotty should be but is he here? Nope. He got beamed up when that's supposed to be his job in the first place but just like us he give it the finger as he left.

[ damn scotty his sudden but inevitable escape from the carnival. ] It looks like you're gonna blow a factory's worth of gaskets a few more times at the beat you're going. Haven't you gotten your free phone call from the nice officer yet or did Blart over there not feel up to moving his spot because those articles are sure interesting to read.

[ Karkat squints so hard his face almost ruptures into a black hole. He lost track of the dick metaphor as soon as it was mentioned, but now he's even more lost because he's not certain if he's sucking dicks now or if he missed out on sucking dicks, and whether or not he should feel good or bad about that. ]

Are you high right now, is that it? [ He says like he doesn't know that Dave is always like this. ] If I won then yes I'd be a drunken prick and an insult to everyone who knows how to use a toothbrush and a bar of soap but at least I'd be content with my shaved head, ugly faded tattoos and worn out, colour-coordinated adidas tracksuit-- and most importantly I wouldn't be sitting here listening to you ferment my braincells with your penis analogy, so as far as the dick sucking goes, I think this sucks more dicks than winning the fight would because Mr Scott Free is currently sitting in the reception area with a glass of water waiting for a taxi!

[ He points with his hand in the vague direction of the reception area. Just to cement his argument. Luckily for Karkat and his twitching short fuse, Dave's next comment is much easier to translate, and he gladly abandons their loud conversation about genitals in favour of it. ]

I called Sollux and gave him an asthma attack so at this point, who fucking knows.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Test Drive Meme: August 2015

karkat vantas | homestuck | meta-human in denial

02 - You use your one phone call to summon this guy?

oh my god, the world is not kind to karkat

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

2, you're getting both of mine because I need more Karkat in my life

omg, i'm so lucky. u i hope i don't disappoint!

noo you are flawless please continue

no subject

no subject

3! this took me so long I'm sorry

don't even worry about it!

\o/

no subject

one day i wont fall ass-backwards off the hiatus train, whoops

hello my senses were tingling

turn that shit off, i'm not ready for this at all

can't stop won't stop i'm (not) sorry.

it's okay, i'm sorry enough for the both of us

Test Drive Meme: August 2015

karkat vantas | homestuck | meta-human in denial

02 - You use your one phone call to summon this guy?

oh my god, the world is not kind to karkat

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

2, you're getting both of mine because I need more Karkat in my life

omg, i'm so lucky. *u* i hope i don't disappoint!

noo you are flawless please continue

no subject

no subject

3! this took me so long I'm sorry

don't even worry about it!

\o/

no subject

one day i wont fall ass-backwards off the hiatus train, whoops

hello my senses were tingling

turn that shit off, i'm not ready for this at all

can't stop won't stop i'm (not) sorry.

it's okay, i'm sorry enough for the both of us

omg, i'm so lucky. u i hope i don't disappoint!